Gothic & Lolita Days - A Living Handbook Part. 1

Adapted from the article "Gothic Lolita Days", EGL Bible Vol.4, pgs. 83-97, June 10, 2002. 

(This article is an array of lolita tips from manners to home decor to media recommendations. I will translate it in chunks, due to sheer size. The first part I'm posting is the manners guide. This guide could be applied to non-Lolita's, so I find it interesting that they found it necessary to label it "for Lolitas".)

Gothic and Lolita Manner Encyclopedia for Gentlemen and Ladies
Written by Mayuko Arahira
In order to become an elegant and refined woman or man, you must practice etiquette. Let us start now.

Standing Etiquette 

• Gaze
  Keep your eyes straight ahead, so that your posture will improve naturally.
• Expression
  Smile, smile, smile. Noble people must always have endless composure. Seeming cold and detached makes one inexcusable. A lady knows to stay composed with a smile at all times.
• Way of Walking & Sitting
  Sit with your toes and knees aligned. Don't slump when you sit down. Be careful when you are in a relaxed posture, because a sitting figure is often not beautiful. Cross your legs as much as possible. When walking, keep your back straight and walk with a vertical posture as if you were built straight onto your waist.
• Greetings
  After finishing your first bow, meet eyes lightly, state your greetings or farewells, and bow once more. Once finished, this shows your lady-like refinement. The best angle to lower the head is 45-60 degrees.

Gift Etiquette

• Collect ribbon that you come across and use it to decorate everything you gift. For special occasions, giving a dried corsage and small card is the lady's way. Gift giving is an act of love, so generally you want to give the highest quality gift possible, but naturally, you may have a budget. Just because it is expensive, does not mean it is a good gift. If it is high quality, sometimes a modest gift, like a handkerchief, is the best gift. Giving something too expensive can be a burden on the recipient.  The lady who can gift an item that adheres to TPO (time, place, and occasion) is truly refined.

General/Arts Etiquette
Ladies and gentlemen are different than ordinary people.

• Art Appreciation
  Opera, orchestras, ballet, paintings, etc... Gentlemen and ladies must have a deep knowledge of art. I usually partake in such arts and try cultivate a "refined eye" We recommend you try to do the same.  Please refer to the books and CDs on pgs. 96-97. ( I will translate these at a later time.)
• Drinking
  It essential to enjoy conversation over a cup of regular or herbal tea. If you plan on consuming alcohol, be aware of the following: Underage drinking is prohibited in Japan. You must be 20 to drink. Beer is the drink of the common people or masses. The standard is wine or champagne. Gentlemen, in particular, enjoy dark liquors, like brandy or whiskey. The important thing is to drink smartly. You shouldn't get drunk. For more on food etiquette, go to pages 92-98.
• Dance
  It's a requirement for both gentlemen and ladies! If you can't ballroom dance, you shouldn't go to parties. There are two types of ballroom dancing: "Modern" and "Latin". A feature of "modern" ballroom is that men and women dance with forward-facing bodies. Perhaps this is the image everyone thinks about when they hear social dance. "Latin" dance in which partners sometimes hold each other, but often stand apart while holding hands. In "modern" ballroom, formal wears works best. At official formal events, men wear tailcoats and women wear  evening dresses. "Latin" is more casual than "modern". If you are a fashion lover, you may prefer "modern" ballroom. Let's start ballroom dancing at once!

Party Etiquette

Party Rules

1. Parties are fine events for couples. For that purpose, finding a wonderful prince is also important.
2. The party is a place of exchange. Conversation is the most important thing, so make sure you can talk more than just yourself.
3. If you are invited to a house party, bring a gift.
4. Dress according to the party theme or dress code.

Attire

• In the morning before 6pm: For women: a silk dress (if formal) or a skirt/blouse set (if casual) with pearl or coral accessories. For a garden party, wear a hat with a wide brim.
  For men: morning dress (if formal) or a dark suit (if casual) with a hat or top hat.
• From 8pm to midnight: For women: a formal evening dress or cocktail dress, diamond, emerald, or opal accessories. Do not wear long dresses at cocktail parties. During cocktails, wear a plain or small brim cocktail hat. Do not wear a hat at an evening party
  For men: tail coats or dinner jackets (if formal), dark suits (if cocktail). If you would like to wear a hat, opt for a top hat.

Speaking Etiquette

The 3 Speaking Rules of a Lady

1. Speak slowly and carefully. 
2. Don't use slang and abbreviations.
3. Be polite when saying "yes" and "no". Soften harsh words.

(The remainder of the article is a chart that compares common Japanese phrases with the way a "lady" should say them, so I'm excluding it.)

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My next article will be the book and film recommendations for a "refined eye" and a "Day in the Life" kind of article from the same series.

-T